5 common caregiving questions, answered

If you’re a caregiver, you already know that it’s one of the toughest roles you could ever take on. And with all the demands on your time and energy, you might be wondering how you’re supposed to balance everything while still caring for yourself.

“The caregiving role is very meaningful, but it can come with a lot of heaviness,” says Dina Morris, BSN, RN, an AbleTo coach advisor. “Sometimes it might feel like no one else understands what you’re going through. The truth is, you’re far from alone.”

In fact, roughly 100 million Americans serve as caregivers to at least one relative (child, parent or other). That’s twice the number it was just a decade ago.¹

One of the biggest issues these caregivers face? How to balance all of the demands while avoiding burnout. Or, as some people are calling it, caregiver collapse.

Morris and the AbleTo coaching team recently held a live webinar to dig into that topic. If you couldn’t watch live, don’t worry. We’ve highlighted some key points below, and you can also watch a replay to dive even deeper.

Expert answers to common caregiving questions

Being a caregiver comes with what feels like a million questions. Some are quite personal, but others are universal. Here’s how AbleTo coaches approach a few of the big ones.

Question: How do I find the time to get everything done in a day? It feels impossible.

AbleTo coaches say: Time and energy are limited resources, so it’s important to set priorities. Doing that begins with intention and planning.

First, make a list of all the tasks that need doing. Then put the ones that are truly urgent at the top. From there, you can create a schedule that helps organize the chaos.

Chances are, not everything will get done. That’s okay. Show yourself compassion. Being kind to yourself allows space for flexibility and growth. Remember: You can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of your own well-being is key to showing up fully in all areas of life.

Question: Becoming a caregiver has brought up a lot of tough feelings and choices. How do I handle the weight of all that?

AbleTo coaches say: Handling the emotional weight feels big for a reason. After all, many aspects of caregiving are outside your control. That can take away your sense of agency. Instead, shift your attention to the things you can affect. That change in energy can be quite empowering.

If you’re not sure how to make that shift happen, try this 3-step process:

1. Name the feeling.

You can’t change what you can’t name. So the first step is identifying what you’re feeling. Is it guilt? Loss? Isolation? Maybe even anger or resentment?

By naming these, you accept that they’re real. Sometimes finding the right words can be tricky. We like to use the Mood Tracking tool in the AbleTo app. It uses a wheel to get a general sense of how you’re feeling, plus drop-down lists to get more specific.

Noticing your mood is the first step to spotting the habits or thoughts that shape it. The more you notice your emotions, the easier it is to identify their triggers. This process can help reduce the intensity of the feelings. It also helps you build self-awareness. There’s no right or wrong way to feel, so try not to judge whatever is coming up. You deserve as much grace as anyone else.

2. Notice how you cope.

Pay attention to how you usually cope with tough feelings. What strategies do you rely on? Do they make you feel better? Or worse? What’s driving the methods you choose? Doing a mini audit of your coping methods gives you an honest look about whether they’re helping or hurting you. If it’s the latter, you can start figuring out what needs to change.

AbleTo coaches can help you explore the range of feelings that come up, as well as tools that can help you process them. From there, we can come up with a plan to build healthy coping skills you might not have.

3. Make time for joy.

Balance the heaviness with moments of levity. Weave playful or joyful activities into your day whenever you can. Even small moments can help restore emotional balance.

Question: How do I balance caring for my loved ones with caring for myself?

AbleTo coaches say: First, take a look at your own needs. This includes movement, nutrition and sleep. If you’re unsure where to start, think about which areas feel the most depleted.

To make changes, start with what’s manageable. Weave short breaks or small self-care activities into your current routine. You might listen to music you love while washing dishes. Or color for a few minutes before bed.

Whatever you choose, it doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be something you can keep up. Give it a couple of weeks. Then take time to reflect on how these moments affect your mood and energy. We often suggest using the AbleTo Habit Tracking tool as a way to stay accountable.

Question: What are early warning signs of burnout?

AbleTo coaches say: Caregiver burnout, also called caregiver collapse, often creeps in slowly. Many caregivers describe feeling stuck in a cycle of overwhelm.

The signs can be subtle and easy to overlook. Early warning signs may include changes in sleep and eating habits. It can also show up as persistent fatigue and irritability. Or you might start to neglect personal needs like exercise, nutrition and rest.

Symptoms can be physical, emotional or behavioral. There might be headaches, muscle pain, mental fog or a weakened immune system. Or mood swings, anxiety, depression or a sense of numbness. Someone might withdraw from social connections. They might neglect their hygiene. They might self-medicate with substances, like alcohol.

Already feeling burnt out? It’s not a personal failure. It’s a signal that support and change are needed. With the right tools and guidance, recovery is possible. Coaches can help you examine your personal situation to figure out what solutions are best suited to you.

Question: How else can professional support, like coaching, help me?

AbleTo coaches say: At AbleTo, coaches provide support on multiple fronts. First and foremost, they give you a safe space to talk openly about your feelings. They can help unpack that internal ‘hamster wheel’ of emotions and explore tools to protect your mental well-being, even when life feels chaotic.

From there, they can help dig into any challenges you’re facing and make a plan that works for you. Maybe you need to reframe anxious thoughts. Or get clarity around what parts of your life aren’t serving your needs and goals. Together, you can create an action plan that feels doable.

With AbleTo, you also get access to a suite of digital tools you can use anytime. That library includes meditations, interactive journals, breathing exercises and more. Unsure whether AbleTo coaching is right for you? Here’s everything you need to know.

You deserve support, too

Caring for someone you love is an act of deep commitment. But it shouldn’t require sacrificing your own well-being. With the right tools and support, you can thrive alongside the person you care for.

“So many complex emotions come up within the caregiver community,” says Morris. “With coaching, you can just show up with who you are and what you’ve got. You and the coach find a way to navigate through. Their main priority is to just be there to listen and provide a soft cushion to land on. And then to figure out, how do we get up from here?”