A caregiver’s guide to mental wellness

Caregiving can be joyful and rewarding. But there’s no denying that it can also be stressful. In addition to juggling your own day-to-day needs and long-term decisions, you’re handling that same load for another person. Anything from balancing bank accounts to bathing might be on your plate. Then consider that 1 in 5 caregivers are also part of the paid workforce.¹ That means dealing with professional obligations, too.

This juggle is a reality for many Americans. Roughly 100 million adults look after at least one relative (child, parent or other).¹ That’s more than double the number it was 10 years ago.¹ A growing percentage of Americans also face the unique challenge of caring for both aging parents and children under 18 at the same time.¹

“Caregiving logistics are tricky enough. But you’re also navigating complex personal dynamics,” says Carolyn Oldham, coach advisor at AbleTo and supervisor, behavioral health services at Optum Behavioral Care. “If you feel like you’re dealing with a lot, it’s because you are.”

Managing so much can take a toll on your mental wellness. Research shows that caregivers experience higher rates of mental-health issues and poorer well-being than non-caregivers.³ Limits on personal time, compassion fatigue and the general toll of caregiving tasks are a few of the common causes suggested by researchers.

That’s why it’s crucial to protect your own well-being.

6 ways to protect your mental well-being

Your time or resources might feel limited. But there are practical steps you can take to fill your cup. Try the ideas below to get started.

Set clear boundaries

As a caregiver, you have to be keenly aware of the other person’s needs. But if you’re not careful, those needs can overtake your own and lead to burnout. “Spending 100% of your time, effort and energy taking care of someone else isn’t sustainable,” says Oldham. “So you have to set boundaries. Make sure that you’re giving yourself time and attention, too.”

If you’re caring for a child, that might mean limiting how many books are part of a bedtime routine. Or saying no when asked to help with a field trip. If you’re looking after an adult, you might block out Friday nights for time with friends. Or have a workout class you attend every Tuesday morning without fail. And during those times, someone else is “on call” as a support person. “These kinds of small but firm limits help you recover and feel more in control,” says Oldham.

Choose your battles wisely

Whether you’re caring for a child or adult, you have to make tough decisions all the time. Standing your ground may be needed when a decision involves their safety or health. Something like taking a medication or wearing a seatbelt. Other times, flexibility is key. And it can save you a lot of grief.

“Let’s say your toddler or 90-year-old father insists that the sky is purple,” Oldham says. “Is it worth getting frustrated? Or arguing?” Maybe, in the moment, you worry that your kid is learning the wrong information. Or that your parent isn’t thinking clearly. Try to take a step back. Think about where this situation falls in the grand scheme of life. If it’s something small, do your best to let it go. If it’s something important but not urgent, give yourself permission to circle back. Tackle it when you have the capacity to stay calm.

Take micro-breaks

Short pauses can help reduce stress, improve focus and prevent burnout. And they can make a difference on long or emotional days.⁴

You might step outside for fresh air. Or stretch for a few minutes. Or sit quietly with a cup of tea. Even a few deep breaths between tasks can make an impact. “Building these moments into your day can help you stay grounded and more resilient,” says Oldham.

Share the load

So many caregivers feel pressure to do it all on their own. But taking on too much can easily lead to overwhelm. “Accepting support can give you space to focus on the things that matter,” says Oldham. “That includes yourself.”

If someone offers to pick up medication or bring over a meal, say yes. “Supplying dinner and chatting for an hour? Even if you can’t leave, it still takes some of the burden off your shoulders,” says Oldham.

If you have the means, you might also hire a sitter or aide. Or you could look to networks you’re already part of. “For my grandma, we tapped into her Bible study group,” says Oldham. “One member’s daughter could handle mornings. And sit with her during the day. It was a huge relief.”

Build community

Connecting with others can be a great source of support. Monthly brunches or even group chats can foster relationships with friends. Joining a parent or caregiver support group can help, too. These spaces offer a safe space to vent, share advice or just feel seen.

If your loved one has a condition, like Alzheimer’s, you may also think about joining a group with that focus. They may also be able to direct you to specific resources that can offer further support.

Create rituals of joy

“Part of the reason caregiving can feel so heavy is that it involves complex personal dynamics,” says Oldham. “Helping the person who potty-trained you use the bathroom? It isn’t just a matter of toileting. In many cases, it’s about seeing someone you love and respect be vulnerable.” It can also be tough if you’re now tasked with caring for someone you’ve had a fraught relationship with.

Oldham advocates for making the most of life’s small pleasures. Take the time to brew yourself a lovely tea each morning. Hang a branch of fragrant eucalyptus in your shower to make it feel extra special when the steam hits. The main point is to give yourself little things to look forward to. “You might be surprised how much these moments recharge you,” she says.

When to seek more support

Your caregiving peers and loved ones can be a balm on hard days. But what if you often feel overwhelmed? Or struggle with emotions in a way that disrupts your daily life? It might be worth contacting a professional.

“Some people benefit from a more structured approach,” says Oldham. “But it’s important to make it intentional. It shouldn’t be an added stress.”

Take time for you

Caregiving is a profound act of love. But the weight of supporting another person can also be taxing. That’s why tending to your own well-being isn’t just helpful — it’s necessary.

Small, consistent steps can make a difference in how you feel and function day to day. After all, you deserve support, space and moments of joy just as much as the person you’re caring for.